Senior Year: 9 months til graduation

This is it. I am officially part of the oldest students on campus. When I got back to campus a week ago, I could just feel that it was different, that everything had changed. Literally, lots had changed. Construction projects everywhere, new people, new campus. Though, it may seem silly that one summer could really have that much of an effect on a campus of 2,100 students, it did. I was here all last summer, and almost nothing changed. But I guess the world knew that I wasn't ready for this year already and all the changes that come with it, they decided that we should have a lot of changes because of how much I love change (sarcasm). I hate change. I don't like it when things are different and I don't think that I have ever really been able to FEEL the change before.

I am trying to be positive, its a new year and time for new experiences, but after a few days of everyone being back, I already know that I can't handle it. My support system is gone, and thats not something you can find a new one of overnight. Let me tell you: it is not easy to experience a time like this without that support. I no longer have that person I can talk to, just because, nothing has to be wrong but even when things are great and you want to share that joy with someone.

One night back and I was already feeling like this, rethinking everything I thought I had decided. That shouldn't happen. I need to figure out why this all happened so quickly, and why I am struggling so much to just give it a chance, it was just one night, you can't let one night decide your entire life (or at least the immediate future of said life).

That was my lowest moment so far, me not giving it a chance and a moment of weakness. But its really only been three days, I can't let a bad night affect the rest of the year. There are so many things to look forward to: Seniors First Night Out, START, Winter Ball, SEND, Spring Ball, 100 days, 50 days, last night out, senior week, and then the scary part: graduation.

I am already back to my to-do lists and schedules, and figuring out the best time of the day for me to take my nap. This year I have even more committments then I have had in the past, but I think that I can handle all of the responsibility that has been put on me, especially with Up 'til Dawn, I know what I need to do to plan a successful event and I have put my trust in my executives enough that I don't have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

So here is my goal for the year: Don't think about the past, or the future, just think about now, and take in every moment because college only comes around once and the experience is over before you know it.

The best way to end a month in Roma.

What is the best way to end a month in Rome? To stand above the city. To end my trip I climbed to the top of the dome of St. Peter's Basilica. I saw the entire city from up there, and it was probably the best way to say my goodbye. Now, what I have learned recently, after climbing the Leaning Tower of Pisa and this dome is that I am deathly afraid of heights, or I may be afraid of falling down the stairs, not really sure yet. But I do know that I am panicked as I walk to the top, and there are no railings, so I am gripping the walls, taking each step extremely slowly, as the people behind me are probably getting annoyed. But I found myself standing outside on the dome, with 800 tourists, unable to start finding my way back down. I just wanted one more minute and then another, I am not sure what it was but it is always hard to say goodbye, I just didn't think that after a month I would feel like this. I am happy to go home but I feel like I am not quite finished with my time here. But I am, tonight is my last night, I leave at 5am tomorrow to catch my flight home, and I have to say goodbye to Rome. I said goodbye to St. Peters, the Pantheon, and my favorite monument the Trevi Fountain. I even hugged that one goodbye. I guess you really don't realize how much something means to you until you have to leave it.

I can guarantee that when I get home I will start asking for acqua naturale, and say grazie and ciao. Have to figure out how to say something in Italian before I ask someone for help, and probably think that I will have to walk everywhere. I will just assume my meal choices are pizza and pasta and try to find food places that will take my food vouchers. I will expect to be constantly sweating all the time and think that I am able to just walk by the Colosseum, the Pantheon and ancient ruins. But I won't. These things don't make sense in New York or Worcester. I won't be able to turn the tv on and watch American shows in Italian, they will be in English. I also won't have to subtract 6 hours to see if it is a safe hour to call home.

These are all of the things that I have done while I was here, and so much more. Like I said in my last post, a month doesn't seem like a really long time, but it is. It can seem like a lifetime to some people and when you are constantly moving you cannot believe it went by so fast.

I ended my time in Rome the same way I started, by going to mass at St. Peter's. The difference was that I understood so much more of what they were saying than the first time I went a few weeks ago. I think that the most important thing that I learned about myself while I was here, was that if I set a goal for myself, even a simple goal, I can accomplish it. I set that goal when I climbed Mt. Vesuvius, when I climbed the Leaning Tower, when I climbed the dome (they all have to heights don't they?), I set a goal, I told myself that I was going to make it to the top, no matter what, I went to that place for a reason and I will reach my goal. They all had different motives but I accomplished them every time.

So that is my new goal when I get home, set small goals for myself, they don't have to be huge, but just small steps to get to the bigger picture, and keep trying until I reach it.

"What if we just acted like everything was easy?" -Mary Ann Robinson

Cinque settimane fa.

4 days. That's it. Four days left living in Rome. I finished one final today and I have another one tomorrow and then I am done. When did that happen? No more eating next to the Pantheon and drinking sexy wine, no more walking past the Trevi Fountain just because I can, and no more getting that feeling that I am almost home when I see St. Peter's Basilica. Who in a million years would ever think I would be able to actually say that I have done these things. Right now I am "studying" for my Italian final tomorrow and then I am done with Italian, in school, forever. I will not be taking any economics classes in the fall because I already finished that minor. I have 5 more required classes to take and I am done with college. Again, when did that happen and why haven't I been warned about this?

My next for days are jam packed. I am going to visit the Mouth of Truth, take a final, climb to the top of the dome of St. Peter's, go to Pisa to see the leaning tower and pretend to stop it from falling, going to Tivoli and Hadrian's villa, packing up my apartment that has been my home for the past four weeks. I know that four weeks may not seem like a long time, but your life can change in an instant, you can have a gazillion life changing moments in just four weeks. What have I done in the past four weeks. I have stood on top of the world, visited 8 cities, saw numerous ancient ruins, experienced a few strikes, got to know the streets of Rome and experienced a whole new culture while still trying to really figure out the language.

Even though I loved my time here and am so lucky to have been able to experience this, I am happy to go home. I am happy to get away from the drama that people create amongst themselves, I am happy to have to have a choice of pizza or penne for every meal, I am happy to not want to cut my feet off at the end of each day. But I will miss being able to wander the streets of Rome, to get mad at all the tourists groups because I am trying to go somewhere and actually know how to get there, to have people ask me for help in Italian and actually being able to answer them. I wouldn't have traded this experience for anything and even though I cannot even remember the moment that I knew I had to come to Rome, I am grateful for that moment. And I am grateful for the people that make me strong enough to let me do this, I am grateful for the people I have met here and hope that we aren't just another page on each other's journeys, that there is still more to come.

Now it is just time to sit back and relax and enjoy the next four days ahead of me, because who knows when my life will ever bring me back to Italy.

the soundtrack of my life.

You know those songs that always help you get through a bad day. Even if you are not having a bad day and you hear them your day just gets better no matter what and you get a reminder of the things that really matter. I was sitting on the train today, from Florence back to Rome, and I was just staring out of the window with my headphones on, just watching the scenery. Now I wouldn't say I had a really bad day, but certain things about this trip to Florence were not what expected. I wouldn't say that I hate Florence, I would say that it is beautiful but under the circumstances that were the past two days it wasn't a great trip. I won't go into details about what exactly happened but it included things like fighting with a resturant for overcharging us, having a tour guide that would just not stop talking when all we wanted to do was wander, and being called a party pooper because I wanted to go to bed early because we had to get up at 7am and have to get up that early again the next day.

These were the things I thought about during my hour and a half train ride. I thought about, as awful as it may sound, the fact that these people I am with will only be in life for four weeks, and although it is great to have a connection with someone, it just doesn't always happen. I have to try and ignore the things that are going on around me and enjoy the fact that I am a resident of Italy right now. Enjoy the fact that I translated something into English for someone this morning, enjoy that I have to walk through Vatican City every morning to go to school, enjoy the fact that the things I am learning in class I get to go see, like in my Art and Culture class, and get to speak the language, using the review in my Italian class. I need to enjoy the fact that I am watching an American TV show in Italian right now and I understand what is going on, without having ever really watched the show back home.

I come to certain songs on my ipod and I am just reminded of all of the things that I need to enjoy right now. I remember all of the people that I am so lucky to have in my life back home and all of the things I have to look forward to in the next year (besides the whole life changing moment that will come in and having to make a decision about said life).

These are my top 10 songs that I decided to call the soundtrack of my life. They all have some significant meaning to me or the lyrics are just right to know that everything is worth it and that I am lucky to be riding on a train through the Italian countryside earlier.

1. "Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield

2. "This Life" by Mercy Me

3. "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts

4. "Without Reason" by The Fray

5. "This Is My Now" by Jordin Sparks

6. "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey

7. "Sooner or Later" by Michael Tolcher

8. "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot

9. "Another Day" from RENT

10. "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas

in cime al mondo.

I am on top the world. Literally. I am in the clouds way up in the sky, on top of an active volcano in Italy. I am standing on top of Mount Vesuvius, after a 45 minute drive up most of the mountain and another 1000 meters to the top walking, in my flip flops (not really sure why I thought that was a good idea), but I made it to the very top. With my walking stick in one hand and my bottle of water in the other, I paced myself up the mountain, I didn't care how many people were passing me or how long it took, I was going to make it to the top of the volcano. I wanted to stand next to the crater and see the world from so far up high. It was my one goal of the day, and I accomplished it. Partly for me, partly for the fact that my good friend and college roommate Denise was about to walk down the aisle and I was on a volcano. Jokingly before I left, I said I can't go because I will be at Mount Vesuvius that day. I did not realize that we were actually going to the volcano that day and had no idea I was climbing to the top til I woke up that morning.

I think that at the top of that volcano, I realized that I was actually here. In Italy, living in Rome, going to Naples and Capri for the weekend, just to get away. How crazy is it that the world can work like that. One day, I am sleeping until 2pm everyday, and never have a reason to even leave the house, except to go shopping or eat food. And now I am living in Italy, I have called Rome, home, more than once in just two weeks, and I am getting to know the city really well. I travel to Capri, Naples, Florence, and Venice for weekend getaways, and take a walk past the Trevi Fountain or the Colosseum or the Spanish Steps just because its on the way. Did I ever imagine that this could happen? I have thought about going to Italy for years, sent in my application last December and it was all set: I was going to spend my summer living in Rome. How does that ever seem like a reality? It doesn't, it all happens so fast, life happens so fast, especially when you are really starting to enjoy where you are and what you are doing. Right before I left, I registered for the GREs, senior year starts way too soon and I am now in Italy. Life moves at the speed of light, and as Ferris Bueller once said, "life moves pretty fast. you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."

Never have words been so true, right on the dot. Life does move pretty fast, and as I stand on top of Mount Vesuvius, which by the way could actually erupt whenever it feels like it, you realize that everything is real. What is happening right now is really happening, and even though I still feel like I live in a cloud, and it is funny to say at that very moment when I think I lifted out of my cloud, I was literally in a cloud.

So, if you ever feel like things aren't really happening or life is moving way too fast and you need to put some things into perspective, I dare you to climb to the top of a mountain, stand on top the world and just take a look around, take it all in, because things like this don't happen everyday.

la bella vita.

As I sit in my apartment on Via del Mascherino, one block from Vatican City and the pillars of St. Peter's Square, I grabbed my dose of HannahKaty.com. Even while I am in the most amazing city in the world, where there is over 2,000 years of history on my doorstep, this blog helps me to put life in perspective.

First off, things started to be put into perspective for me when I was on my flight to London. I cannot fall asleep on planes just I just lookout out my window and read my book for 7 hours. It was nighttime at this point and I looked out the window and the moon was just so bright and full and unlike anything I had ever seen. I was reading Eat, Pray, Love, which is an amazing book to help you put your life into perspective, and it was especially good for me because I was reading the section about Italy, and I was going to be there in a couple of days. Things just started to make sense to me, and I realized that I have to do what I have to do because it is for me, not for anyone else. No one else can tell you who you are, and you are in charge of your own density. If you want something to happen, you have to make it happen.

Now, to what inspired me to write about this today, was when I read Hannah's blog about we are told what it means to be beautiful in magazines, in movies, about how outward appearance is what really matters, not what is on the inside. Personally for me, I have struggled with this issue for as long as I can remember. I cannot remember the last time that I really didn't care about how I looked on the outside, and have taken extreme measures to "fix" this. Including when, and people who knew me two years ago saw this change in me, I lost about 70 pounds in one summer, now that may be something to be proud of it was not done in a healthy way. I worked for six weeks this summer. Before I started working, I went to physical therapy and rode my bike almost everyday. Then when I started working I did basically the same, but with work thrown in the middle, so not has much control over when I could work out, and I had joined the gym at this point too. Then camp ended and I had three weeks until I had to move back to school. So for these three weeks, I woke up, had a bagel, rode my bike for three hours, swam for two hours and went to the gym for an hour everyday for three weeks. I lost thirty pounds in those three weeks.

I loved the attention I got when I got back to school, at this point I didn't care how I got to this point, I was just proud of myself for getting there. And for the few months that followed I had swimming and was eating, but burning so many calories in the water, it didn't matter. I look at those pictures today and get so mad at myself for letting go of that, and how I felt then. But, lately, I have been a different person. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a plan, a purpose. And I have the best friends that anyone could ask for, and even though 8,000 miles separate us right now, nothing has changed. That is the most amazing feeling in the world, and it has nothing to do with my appearance. I am happy with who I have become on the inside, and while I do hope to become healthier just to have a healthier lifestyle, I don't care to ever do that to myself again.

Putting one aspect of your life in perspective can put everything in perspective, and when someone tells you that it is okay to be who you are, no questions asked, no judgements made, life can become a smooth ride.

So, here I just wanted to personally thank Hannah for your amazing words of wisdom and for helping someone like me realize that it is okay to be who I am and it is okay to share this story even though while I was typing it I just wanted to press delete everytime something seemed hard to admit.

italiano. italiano. italiano.

Section one: Complete the sentences- Come ti chiami? Mi chiamo Shannon. Quanti anni hai? Ho ventuno anni. Section two: Name the object in singular and plural forms- La sedia, le sedie. Il libro, i libri. Section three: Read the story and answer the questions based on the story. etc.

This is all simple stuff, I flew through the first section in 10 minutes. Then I reached the next section and realized that this was the section that would determine whether I got into Advanced Italian or not. If I don't get in, I can't take Italian while I am in Italy because I have already taken Intermediate and it will not count for anything. How much would that stink, not being able to take the language you have been learning for three years while you are in the country that speaks it. The second section was all grammar, and while I do remember learning all of this, I just could not remember the conjugations, I kept getting confused. I haven't take an Italian grammar class in a year. The last two classes I took were literature in Italian and culture in Italian. There was no English in the classes, but we didn't review grammar.

My other problem is that I understand the language, I just struggle when it comes to speaking it. I have to stop and think about how you say a certain word and the order the sentence should go in. The other day, my friends and I couldn't figure out which way to go on the metro in order to get where we wanted to go. So, I walked up to one of the workers and asked in Italian, which direction is Cavour? They told me after that it sounded really natural and I got really excited about it, but I still don't know if I said it correctly, but it was enough that he could understand what I was asking.

Now, not to sound conceded or anything but in the Italian class yesterday, I felt that I was the most advanced person there. There is only 5 of us trying to test into either Intermediate or Advanced. The professor speaks very little English, so he talked to us completely in Italian, I understood just about everything that he was saying to us, and everyone else was looking at each other with blank stares, and everytime the professor left the room, everyone would ask was he said, and I seemed to be the only one who really understood. The exam said that we had to get at least 80% on the section of the class that we wanted to place into, but with all the grammar in that section I don't think I did that well. After the exam we were reviewing the passato prossimo versus the imperfetto. During the exam I couldn't remember exactly which was which and when we started going over it in class, it all clicked again. I really think that I can handle the advanced, I just need someone to remind of the reasons for using each tense and it will all click back into my head. I tried to re-teach myself from a book, but it is so much easier when somebody is telling you, especially when it is someone who really knows. I mean, you can't ask a book a question can you? I mean you can, but it won't answer.

On the positive side, I scored the highest in my class, which is very rare for me. I am not a bad student or anything but there are always smarter people than me in every class. On the negative side, it was not high enough the qualify for taking the advanced level. (Even though, it is the same class, so I really don't get it to be honest). Now this causes a dilemma back at school because I have already take Intermediate like I said, and the other course I got approved to take here, I cannot take because it conflicts with my Art and Culture class, which I love!

So, me being me, I freaked out about this whole dilemma. I talked to Rosanna, our director woman here and explained to her that I need the Advanced credits to transfer, and this is when I found out that I got the highest grade, but not high enough. It was frustrating to me because I saw my test, and got at least half credit on each grammar section, which means I know it, but I couldn't remember all of it, (back to the whole haven't take a grammar class in a year thing). And she said there was really nothing they could do, since I didn't place, but the score didn't include any of the oral conversations we did after the class or anything, so again, more frustration set in. She told me to contact my school and see what I could do, so, being my panicky self I emailed Dean Knowlton at was to her 6 in the morning. The email was probably about the length of a novel, explaining how I couldn't take Italian V in the fall because of conflicts with another class, and how these are the last two classes for my minor, etc, and sent it off. Now, again being my crazy self, I called my house, it was about 6:30am at this point, and both my parents were still sleeping. So of course when I get on the phone with my mom, freak out mode kicks in again.

I have sort of gotten over this whole thing, I am frustrated that I didn't make it into advanced, but I found out that Assumption may give it to me as an advanced class anyway. Basically it is like our level five, because we are just doing grammar review, and not speaking in English, the fact that the professor barely speaks English helps with that. And I have become much more comfortable going into a store and speaking in Italian, however they always seem to know that I am American, because they will answer me in English. Still trying to figure out what gives it away, but they do give me credit for speaking to them in Italian or at least asking if they speak Italian (parle inglese?) before I start speaking to them in English.

Hopefully by the end of this month I will be able to be conversational in Italian, I am not saying fluent because that is definitely pushing it in my opinion, but conversational. So when I get home, I am going to have to find some Italians so that I can keep practicing my Italian when I leave.

Ciao for now!

ciao. grazie. prego. arrivederci. come se dice ... in italiano?

Ciao Roma. Io parlo un po italiano. Mio appartamento e bellisima! Domani andato alla citta di vaticano per moltitudino con la Papa. Non grande accordo. Va bene si? Ho un esame in italiano lunedi. Non mi piace perche io conosci molto italiano ma non parlare bene.

Who understands what I just said? I mean whenever I type in google.com, it automatically goes to Google Italia and asks me to "cerca" or "mi sento fortunato" instead of search and I'm feeling lucky. Strange right? But the websites it gives me are still in English, I'm baffled.

To get to my apartment today I had to drive through la piazza di San Pietro, and then we were here. Seriously? My apartment is less than a block away from La citta di vaticano? Crazy right. Though I'm not sure if it has hit me yet that I am in Roma. Our hotel last night was next to the Colesseo, and now La Vaticano, and we were in London not even two days ago. I can't figure out what I really need to prove to me that I am here. I see the signs in italiano and the people talking in italiano but they know we are American right away and speak to us in English, and then when I try to talk in Italian to them, I feel funny. I don't know if this feeling will go away in only a month, but I hope that it will, I want to feel comfortable talking to a real Italian (as I put it) and talk in Italian. Maybe going to mass tomorrow and having them speak in Italian will put things in perspective.

For now, I start classes on Monday and have my placement exam for Italian. Then the week holds wine tastings, welcome cocktail, Capri, Monte Vesuvio, Napoli, Pompeii, and exploring Roma, so I guess I just have to see where that all takes me.

Challenge #1: Get 6 weeks into one suitcase.

I have my "what to bring" list all done, now I have to fit it into one suitcase and one carry on. That is a challenge. I have a tendency to always overpack even when I am trying to be conscienous about what I bring with me. The first thing I packed was my washkit, and it took me a half hour to fir everything just right. Then, when I was able to zip it up, I thought, this may be too heavy. That leads to another dilemma, the suitcase has to be less than 50 pounds. I have been charged for overweight luggage before, so this is a great dilemma.

How am I supposed to fit enough clothes, toiletries, etc. for 6 weeks into one 50 pound bag? I will be able to do laundry, but I don't want to waste a day doing laundry, I want to get as much in as I can for the short period that I am there.

I have finished packing and everything fits into my suitcase! And it weighs exactly 50 pounds. That was really lucky. I have my Italian dictionary, puzzle books, reading books, camera, ipod and everything ready to go for my 7 hour plane ride tomorrow. I have a playlist ready to go. I'm not sure if it has really hit me yet that I leave TOMORROW!

Today I signed up for the GRE's, senior year starts in two months and I leave for Italy tomorrow, something that I have been talking about since I started college. At times like this you just realize that life moves way to fast, sometimes it is hard to keep up. In the past week, I have also been missing my friends from school so much, and the worst part is that when I get back, few of them will even be there. It is a scary thought and can't believe that my last year of college is here already.

I need to live in the moment for the next six weeks, take in as much as I can, try to speak in Italian as much as I can and enjoy myself.

I just need to breathe and enjoy the ride...

"How will study abroad impact your academic and personal growth?"

Someone once asked me: are you going to save the world? I responded: I hope so. Study abroad has been my dream since high school. I have always been fascinated with the way people live in countries other than my own. In high school, I learned mostly about American culture and history, but I wasn’t given the opportunity to learn about a particular country or area. I only learned the big picture, which made me think about countries around the world and wonder. Did people have similar laws, did they wear the same clothes, did they go to the movies? These questions still stick with me whenever I go someplace new. In high school I traveled to Ireland, England and Scotland with my classmates. That was my first engagement with a different culture, and I learned how similar people are to Americans in the way they dressed and went to school, yet they had a different culture from mine. Culture is about traditions and language; these are unique to each group of people. I love learning their culture and absorbing myself in it. When I was younger, I would have been afraid to go to a new country and experience a new culture. Now I think that it is a blessing that I even have that opportunity. Being given the chance to study in a foreign country would open my eyes to the world around me and would enable me to fully immerse myself in the culture of Italy.

As a result of my experiences in high school, I decided to study about the global world in college, which led me to pursue a Global Studies major with Economics. I am currently enrolled in a seminar at the American Antiquarian Society in Worcester, Massachusetts, where we examine the natural and built environments around us. Whenever I go anywhere now I look closely at the landscape around me and wonder what it was like fifty years ago, and what it will look like fifty years from now. In my final research project, I am studying the history of the Quabbin Reservoir in Central Massachusetts. Four towns were destroyed and wiped off the map to create the reservoir, and I wonder sometimes what I would do if the place I knew was going to be flooded? This seminar has helped me learn to take a second look at my surroundings, and I want to explore a new place with this new skill I have acquired. By going to Europe, I will be able to think about the landscapes even more, because people have lived there for much longer and there is much more history there. I can try and imagine what the landscape was like 500 years ago and the changes that occurred, and I would be able to find out; that is something that I’m not able to do here.

I have also been studying the Italian language for the past two years, and I hope to improve my foreign language skills in Italian as well as other languages. Living in Italy, I will have to rely on my Italian to help me travel throughout the city and the country, therefore exposing me to Italian as a native language through conversations with locals. I want to fully absorb the Italian life by speaking little English. I really enjoy learning new languages and being able to understand someone when I hear them speak. In the classes I will take, I want to learn more about the history of Italy and will be able to immerse myself more because I will be living among the history.

Study abroad will also help me become an enhanced member of a global society. In college, I am involved in an array of activities, including service trips, mentoring a young girl in the community, running a fundraising program for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, running Campus Ministry retreats, and giving tours to prospective students. By studying abroad I will be able to broaden my knowledge even more and hopefully find something new that I enjoy. Many of the things that I do now I never imagined myself doing when I first came to Assumption and never even crossed my mind in high school. I hope to become a better learner by learning about culture inside and outside the classroom. Professors abroad will be able to offer more culturally diverse perspectives than the professors that I have encountered at Assumption.

I also want to explore another culture through the lens of service. Within the United States I have traveled to New Orleans to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina and to Baltimore, Maryland, where I worked with Habitat for Humanity, and I witnessed the poverty within these cities. I was also given the opportunity to go to Memphis, Tennessee and participate in a leadership conference with St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and saw more of the south. Every city is unique and suffers from its own problems and I enjoy learning about the struggles each city faces, and help where I can. Whenever I travel to new places like this, I like to take in the community and the environment around me. When will I get a chance to experience a place like this again? This is what motivates me to go abroad. I want to take in their culture, learn their customs, and learn why they do what they do.

After graduation, I hope to do service for a year or two and then go on to study International Relations in Graduate school. I hope to travel around the world and learn how things have changed, why they changed, and who was affected in the process, because someone is always suffering due to the changes in our environment. I want to do service projects and help those around me, whether it be helping them build a safer home or giving them a better education. Service is such a big part of my life, and I have only been given the opportunity to conduct that service within my own country. I want to expand my knowledge and share my passion with the rest of the world. Being able to learn more about even just one country would help me see how I want to help the world around me. As I stated earlier: Someone once asked me: are you going to save the world? I responded: I hope so. I believe with all my heart that I will be able to achieve this.

This was the essay I wrote back in December for my application for my summer in Italy. I haven't decided yet if I believe all that I wrote today, even though its only been six months.

ciao roma.

Come sta? Io sto cosi cosi. I'm not sure how I feel about you right now. I leave in less than two weeks and everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited. Honestly, I have no idea. It doesn't feel real. I filled out the application back in November and have been saving to pay for it for years. It doesn't feel like it is happening already. I don't know if I am ready. Leaving to be there means this is my last summer before I enter the "real world." It means senior years starts soon and I have a lot of decisions to make. It means I am closer to having to basically start over in my last year of college. It means too many things are approaching way too fast.

I want to enjoy my time with you, I want to really learn your language and culture. I want to meet good people so that I don't feel alone in a foreign country. I want to come back more cultured and even more appreciative of the world around me. I want to be able to sleep on the plane. I want to eat gelato and real Italian pizza. I want to find my place of tranquility within your city limits. I want to take you all in and be open to new things and new possibilities. Maybe you will even help me find clarity, since the cloud I am in does not seem to want to go away. Maybe I should try harder to find that clarity within myself, but I want you to help me find it. For the first time I will not have my friends and family at my fingertips. I cannot go on my blackberry and be a text away from talking to someone, or look at facebook to see what is going on with everyone. I have to solve my problems by myself and figure things out completely on my own. It is my life, right? I should be able to do that much at 21 years old.

I want you to help me, but I also want you to be an experience I will never forget and the things I learn from you will be with me forever.

Lo vedero presto Roma! Spero che sia pronto.

my life as a nomad.

9 days.

1,187 miles traveled.
13 cities visited.
1 sunburn.
1 plane crash.
1 day of smoke from Canada.
12 rotaries.
6 trips on the Mass Pike.
1 bonfire on the beach.
4 trips to dunks.
4 trips to BoDo's.
1 trip to the moon.
12 mosquito bites.
1 night sleeping on a boat.
1 night feeling like I am still on said boat.
3 nights on a couch.
4 nights on the air matress.
3 nights at Assumption.
1 bridal shower.
1 Great Urban Race.

Day 1: Headed to East Sandwich! But I only want the eastern part of the sandwich, not the whole thing!
What I learned:
- People in Connecticut are deathly afraid of getting pulled over by a cop while the cop is writing a ticket for someone else.
- Rhode Island doesn't like to put gas stations near their highways. And I always run out of gas in Rhode Island.
- Massachusetts you have great rest stops, with gas stations and everything!
- The Cape Cod Canal is beautiful!


Taking a road trip for four and a half hours by yourself can get pretty lonely. But it is also nice to just be alone for a little bit and think about life and sing your heart out in the car. That is my favorite part about driving alone, pumping up the music and belting it out. I was so excited to see everyone before I left that I barely slept the night before. I felt like a little kid the night before the first day of school.

I was really excited when I finally saw the sign that read, "Welcome to Cape Cod." I haven't been there since I was little and I have never gone by myself. I was so fearful and hitting a ton of traffic going to the cape for Memorial Day weekend, but I didn't hit any when I reached Massachusetts. The Cape Cod Canal is beautiful, as I drove over the Bourne Bridge I tried to admire it, but I had to remember to keep my eyes on the road. The bad part was that when I reached the other side there was a rotary, now we don't have a lot of rotaries where I am from and they really scare me, but I survived luckily. I finally reached Jenn's house and we hung out for a little bit before we left for the party on the North Shore.

Then it was time for another road trip, but not alone this time! Me, Jenn, Sarah and Kara headed for the North Shore. The party was at a marina. It was right on the Merrimack River and it was beautiful. We hung out all night on the docks and in the boat. That night we slept on the boat so that we didn't have to make the two hour drive back down to the cape. The four of us slept in a tiny boat, and let me tell you it was quite interesting. The best line of the night was when Jenn turned to me in the middle of the night and said, "why do boats do this?" And by "this" she meant move in the water. I loved being reunited with some of my friends for the night, and actually being more prodcutive than sleeping until 2pm everyday.

Day 2: Back to the Cape.
What I learned today:
- One should always wear sunscreen even if you want to get a nice tan.
- Sleeping on a boat makes you feel like you are rocking back and forth even after you have left that boat.

Today was a great day, with the exception of my lobster status. We left the North Shore for the cape in the morning and when we returned we headed to the beach. The beach was right down the road from her house. I loved that! I definitely want to live near the beach one day, it was great to just walk to the beach and sit in the sand and get a nice tan (or a burn in my case). I got to see all of my friends at her party and I had a great time. That night we had a bonfire on the beach. The sky was so clear, and you could see all the stars in the sky. Ahead of the beach was just the water and you could see the lights of the shore from afar. It was such a beautiful sight and I loved that we could have a bonfire on the beach. I have never experienced that before and now I can check it off my list!

Day 3:
What I Learned Today: - "Welcome to summer on Cape Cod, where waiting in traffic is complemetary with your stay" - Even a forest fire in Canada can cause the Cape to get really smokey.
- A sunburn doesn't go away in one night.

This morning we woke up to a cloud of smoke all over the cape. It was from the forest fires in Canada, and I couldn't believe it was able to reach that far and that Massachusetts was so affected by it. The traffic was crazy getting off cape, so we all hung around for a bit for it to calm down. We think that everyone left early because we were told to not stay outside with the smoke, which means no beach. Luckily for us, after everyone left the smoke started to go away and we were able to make it down to the beach for one last time. I had to wear clothes on top of me so that I didn't get reburned and my burn already really hurt so better safe than sorry! My next stop was West Roxbury for the night,(please drop your r's here for Jenn).

Day 4: Natick = Shopping!

Today I was heading to Framingham to meet up with my roommate for dinner. But I had some time to kill until she got out of work. Luckily Natick is a great place for shopping and is the town right next door! So I began a day of shopping. Pick up a few things for Italy, some more clothes because I realized that I did not pack enough clothes for the duration of my trip. I guess that's part of being a nomad.

I met my roommate for dinner and we chatted and caught up. See she left me back in December because she graduated early and we had a lot to catch up on. She is getting married in July and moving to Atlanta, so this would be the last time I would really get to see her, because I cannot attend the wedding unfortunately. It took me two hours to leave her house because neither of us wanted to say goodbye. I have not experienced a goodbye like that before, one where you really don't know when you will get to see the other person again. The best part of the goodbye was that I was really going to see her again in a few days for her suprise bridal shower but she had no idea! It would be the last time that we really got to hang out and talk though so it was really bittersweet.

After we said our goodbyes, I headed towards Assumption. Another 45 minutes east on Route 9. I got there and crashed on my air mattress. It was so loud when I was inflating it though, my friend thought I was vaccumming!

Day 5: Quabbin Reservoir
Things I learned today:
- Tranquility and peace.

Today, I woke up and began my adventure for the day. I was going to the Swift River Valley Historical Society in New Salem. That may not sound like a great adventure, but I immersed myself into the lives of these people and what happened to them for almost a year with my research for my seminar. I studied the history of the Quabbin Reservoir and how it came to be. This building I visited housed the artifacts of the people that once lived there. It was the first day it opened and I was the first visitor and the youngest by about 60 years! The woman gave me a tour and I was able to see original documents, furniture, clothing and paintings from the time period. It was great to see the other side of how building the reservoir affected the people, because I had to focus on the environmental side in my research for class.

After I finished at the society, I headed south on route 202, to go to the reservoir where the dams and park were located. It was a beautiful day, I drove with my window down and the sun shining in through the window. I decided to just sit outside and enjoy the beauty of the reservoir. I sat at a picnic table on top of one of the mountains that overlooks the reservoir. I just took in the beauty of it all, while remembering what once laid beneath. I wanted to sit, if just for a moment, in tranqility and admire the beauty of the world.


Day 6: Lazy days.
Things I Learned Today:
- You can't decide your life in one day.

Today was a day of rest. I had done so much driving the past few days, I just needed to relax so I slept in. Then I headed towards the library, obviously, what else would I do on a gorgeous summer day? I wanted to do some more research for the future. I didn't get very far, because I just got overwelmed with all of the information. I have ideas and I have things I would like to do, but there is no reason to stress about all of them, I just need to learn to take it one step at a time and everything will fall into place the way it should be.

Day 7: Adventure.
Things I Learned Today:
- I am living next to the water one day.
- There are a lot of hidden beauties in the world.

Today, I went on an adventure. I packed up my stuff and got in my car. I had suggestions of where to go for the day, but I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to do for the day. I opened my windows, blasted the music and let the sun shine in the window and the wind blow through my hair as I drove. I headed towards the North Shore, but decided if I found someplace interesting on the way, I would stop. There are so many places in Massachusetts where you can find tranquilty and peace. There is so much open land where you can see for miles. I ended up in Gloucester. It was so beautiful there, and it was such a beautiful day that it made it that much more peaceful. I went on another adventure to Salem and drove around, it was also located right on the water and it was a beautiful waterfront. It was more crowded there though so it was harder to feel the sense of peace and tranquility. It was a great adventure though because I got to see the town. All of the towns in Massachusetts still have the old buildings and the feeling of an old colonial town. I love seeing that when I drive around this state.

My next adventure for the day was a road trip back to Worcester for BoDos and seeing Bri! I loved my adventures for the day and having some alone time for me and my thoughts, but I also loved seeing some friends from school and catching up over a Boston Donuts run. Such a great reminder of school and being back, like nothing has changed. Bit ots hard to imagine that when I do get back thing will have changed, I mean everything will be different. It's great to have that feeling that I won't lose touch with these people, the ones that I have grown so close to because good friends are hard to find and I have found the best people in the world to be friends with!

Day 8: The Great Urban Race.

Things I learned today:
- People take scavenger hunts very seriously.
- Massachusetts does get tornado warnings.

Today I volunteered for the Great Urban Race in Boston. It is a city wide scavenger hunt sponsored by St. Jude. Check in for the event was at Game On, which is attached to Fenway. Now, my entire drive there I was in panic, because I have New York license plates and I had to park next to Fenway, I was fearful of what would happen to my car. Luckily I had a parking pass from St. Jude and it wasn't a game day. They put me at one of the clue locations, The Society of Arts and Crafts on Newbury Street. This helped me get to know a little bit more of the city since I had only been there twice before today. The task for my location was to take a picture with a chair made of street signs, I probably directed 1,100 people to the chair that day and took the picture for 90% of them. People took this so seriously, and they were so prepared. They had their street maps, gps's, ipads, iphones, blackberrys, anything you could think of to navigate your way through a city and find the answers to clues that you didn't know. It is definitely something I am going to do in the future, whether it is in Boston or someplace else.

Day 9: The final leg.
Things I learned today:
- Saying goodbye is harder than you think.
- After driving over 1,100 miles your leg really starts to hurt.
- When driving during torrential downpours, you cannot see out your window.

Today was the last day of my adventure. My first stop was Marlborough for my roommate's bridal shower. Not only did I get to see her one last time before I left, I got to see some of my other friends before I left for my trip. It was fun, but also strange to be in a position where a friend of mine is getting married and that I actually have a bridal shower to go to, and not for a family member. I am so happy for her and could not be more upset that I can't actually go to the wedding.

I had one final leg of my journey, just lunch with my buddy from Baltimore. I am so glad that I got a chance to see the people that I did on my adventure and sad that I missed some people along the way. Part of me didn't want to come home. I was tired and my leg was hurting from driving so much, but coming home meant that I leave for Italy soon, and that means I have to get my act together. Usually I am really good at that but I think fear is holding me back right now and I am not sure why I am scared to go. I have been looking forward to this for so long and have worked so hard to save money for it and practice my Italian. It may just mean that I am one step closer to being a senior and having to make some huge life decisions. I just need to put my fears behind me and have a great time on my trip, hopefully bring everything that I need and not leave anything important behind. I need to go into with open eyes and an open heart and see where it takes me.

Appreciate the flowers, the sunlight, the trees. Take it all in. If you appreciate life's beauty you discover that you're surrounded by it.

As I sit on top of the Big Quabbin Mountain looking over the Quabbin Reservoir I feel tranquility and peace. I can't help but think of Enfield, the town that sits beneath these waters. Thousands of people used to live here and they were forced out of their homes and the places they grew up never to return again. Could you imagine? It is very hard to imagine but it could happen to any of us. We may just live in a perfect landscape for something like this to occur, and we may not be as important as the project that needs to be done. They don't care that you live there or that it is the place you know the best and the place that feels like home, they only care about themselves. It is crazy to think about something like this, but in reality it could happen. This place is so peaceful and beautiful though, that makes it hard. It is a place of tranquility for me, a place where I can get away from everyday life.

There are hundreds of bees that are flying through the tiny flowers on the grass beneath me. You can hear birds chirping and the wind blowing through the trees. Silence. How often do you hear complete silence like this? Not very often. Every so often a car will drive by, but no one has stopped. It is like they know I am looking for peace right now and they don't want to disrupt me. I can hear a plane flying through the sky. There are very few clouds to be seen today, it is such a clear and beautiful day.

I am so confused about life right now, that is what I am thinking about in this silence. I am not sure if being alone with my thoughts is a good or bad thing. I can't see things clearly. I can listen to peoples advice about what to do but they are not me and cannot make the decision for me. It's easy to enjoy the tranquility but sometimes you cannot just stop thinking about the stresses of life to look around and enjoy what is right there in front of you. I just need to put everything on the back burner right now and just enjoy the beauty of the world if just for a second.

842. ottocentoquarantadue. ochocientos y cuarenta y dos. huit cents et quarante-deux. hocht chéad daichead ceathar.

842. It's a random number right? Well, for some reason whenever someone asks how many, or how much or are asking for a quantity I respond with the number 842. I have no idea why I choose this number but I decided to research why it is significant, and where can we find the number 842 in our own culture.

There doesn't seem to be any significance to the number as a whole. So, I decided to break up it up.
First I broke it up into 8 and 42.

The number 8:

It is considered a lucky number in Chinese and other Asian cultures.

The number 42:

It would take 42 minutes to travel through the center of the Earth.

There are 42 generations in the Gospel of Matthew's version of genealogy of Jesus.
In The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.
Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland has 42 illustrations.
42 is the name of Buzz Lightyear's spaceship in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.
In Finding Nemo the address of the dentist's office is 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
42 was the jersey number of Jackie Robinson and is the only number that is retired by all Major League baseball teams.
The number was retired in 1997 and is the jersey number of Mariano Rivera currently.
There are 42 laws in the game of cricket.
In NASCAR, 42 was the number on Lee Petty's car.
Tower 42 is a skyscraper in London.
The number of spots on a pair of dice.
The musical 42nd Street.
Popular street in New York, 42nd Street has the Chrysler Building, Grand Central Station, New York Public Library, and Times Square.
The angle at which light reflects off water to create a rainbow is 42 degrees.
A barrel holds 42 gallons.

I then broke up the 4 and the 2.

The number 4:

Four noble truths. (Dukkha, Samudaya, Nirodha, Magga)

Four Great Elements. (Earth, wind, fire and wind)
Four Heavenly Kings.
Four Foundations of Mindfulness.
Four stages of Enlightenment.
Four main pilgrimage sites.
The Four Gospels.
The Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and Japanese are superstitious of the number four because it is a homonym for "death" in their languages.
There are four rocky planets in our solar system. (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars)
There are four gas planets. (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune)
Four is the number of nucleobase types in DNA and RNA.
The mammalian heart has four chambers.
The fourth finger on a human hand always moves when the little finger is moving.
All insects with wings, except flies, have four wings.
There are four human blood groups.
Humans have four canine, four incisor and four wisdom teeth.
There are four basic states of matter. (solid, liquid, gas, plasma)
There are four points on a cross.
The earth is divided into four proportions by latitude and longitude.
In regard to two propositions having a truth value, there are four possible outcomes. (Subaltems, subcontraries, contraries, contradictories)
Aristotle said there are four causes in nature: efficient cause, matter, end, form.
Most furniture has four legs.
The four color process is used for printing.
The Final Four is the last four teams in NCAA basketball championships.
Most swear words in the English language have four letters.
In the English language, four is the only number with the same number of letters as its value.
There are four movements in a symphony.
There are four strings on a violin, viola, cello, double bass, cuatro and a ukulele.
Four rules in math: addition, subtraction, division, multiplication.
Four seasons: winter, spring, summer, fall.
Four parts of a day: night, morning, afternoon, evening.
Four cardinal directions: north, south, east, west.
Four suits of playing cards: spades, hearts, clubs, diamonds.
Four nations in the United Kingdom: England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland.
Four corners, only locations in the US where four states come together at a single point: Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona.
The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch and the Thing.
The Beatles were known as the fab four.
There are four food groups: fruits and vegetables, meat, dairy, grain.
There were four rivers in the Garden of Eden.
There are four years in a single presidential term.
There are four years in a single olympiad (the duration between Olympic games).

The number 2:

An integer is even if it is divisible by 2.
God ordered that Noah put 2 of everything on his ark.
Two is considered a good number in Chinese culture. (Chinese saying, "good things come in pairs")
Two is the lowest channel in television in US, Canada, Argentina, and Mexico.

I still am not sure why I say this number, but it is interesting to see what a number means to a certain culture or religion. This was a fun activity, so I recommend you to do the same. Whether it is a lucky number or any number at all, look up what it means, you will be surprised to see what you find!

The things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile.

I'm scared. Let's be honest, who isn't. I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of not knowing what's next, I want to just know what is right and what it is I am supposed to do, but I haven't had that revelation yet, and I am beginning to think that I won't. I study economics but I never thought of myself as an economist before, until I realized that when it comes to me making a decision about anything, I measure the costs and benefits of each decision that I could possibly make. There are costs and benefits to every choice that we make in life, but sometimes you need to throw away that list and follow your heart. But what happens when your heart is telling you to do one thing and your brain is telling you to do something else.

So, what is it that I am so afraid of? Well, first off, I still don't think that I am making the right decision by graduating early. For next year, I finally achieved official student leader status, and if I leave early that will be taken away from me. But the other problem is that nothing can be certain about this change until I go to Italy, and my credits transfer, which may not be until October. And until I drop that sign language class that I have been wanting to take since freshman year, and I would add it as a CE class, but of course they have not put up their fall schedule yet, and I have to add a theology class, and it's not even the one I want to take. The one that I want to take will be offered in the spring. And, to add to it, the internship that I was hoping to get in the spring, whether I graduated early or not, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's only open to students and if I graduate, I will not be a student. There are too many unknowns right now and that is making everything that much harder.

I got to experience senior week this year with my best friends, and I want to experience that for myself, and not in the way that I have been in the real world for four months and I am going to pretend it didn't happen, in the way that this is it, this is my last chance to be really irresponsible, stay up till dawn and have fun. That scares me also, because truth be told, do I really have people that I really want to experience that with, no. Trust me, I know that that could all change in a year, because that happened this year too, many of the people that I am going to miss the most next year, only came into my life this year. The biggest thing that is holding me back from saying that I will definitely stay is that I will stay is money, and though I hate for that to be the reason, but the thought of saving that much money makes my parents so happy, and they would be so proud to say that their daughter graduated college in three and a half years because I can see it when we discuss it.

I am afraid of graduating early. I am afraid of not graduating early. I wish there was a middle ground, a way to do both, and I know that sounds crazy, but if life was perfect, it could happen.


I am afraid of what's next, and now I know that it is a year away, I am a planner, I cannot go into something without knowing the schedule. I love schedules and lists. I have already started my "life binder," a binder filled with my options for whats next: grad school, but what would I study; year of service, what do I want to do and my parents would definitely not be okay with that; go abroad and work there; move to Boston; move home; move across the country to a brand new place? Why is there not a guidebook for what to do once you have received that degree, once you are done with school. I have been going to school for 15 years, I always knew that I would get my summer off, then head back to school in the fall. In elementary school, it would be back to school shopping: new clothes, new binders, new pencils. In college, that meant no more sitting around, I now get to go back to my friends and my life. But, I also haven't really had a break from school since high school, I have taken summer classes every summer, because I figured why not get ahead, summer classes are so much easier and you are only taking one. Yes, I am going to Italy this summer, but between my sightseeing and traveling there will be some classes and maybe some work.

I am waiting for that revelation, for me to get to a point in my research and I will just know that that is where I am supposed to be. It hasn't come yet, and I know that it is early, but I just want a sign, even if it is a small one telling me that I will know what it is that I am supposed to do in this world. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life, but part of me just doesn't care, it doesn't matter if I change jobs every couple of months and can't make a decision about what makes me happy, I learned that the only thing that matters is the people you have in your life. But is that really great if I am living in a box, making minimum wage at 30 years old, no. I need an income, because everything in this world costs money, as much as I wish it didn't, it does, and that changes things. Not only do I need to choose a career that I am happy doing, that is a criteria I have set for myself, but I need one that pays me well. Isn't that kind of stupid, choosing a career based on the pay rate?

There are some things I do know about my future: I want to travel the world, see everything I can, see things that no one else has seen, and take in what is around me. I want to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef. I want to learn to surf in the waves of Hawaii. I want to learn more languages and with that learn about cultures. I want to live in New York City while I'm young. I want to learn to ski or snowboard, whichever hurts less when you fall, because I will fall. I want to live, if just for a short while, with no commitments in tranquility. I want to watch all of my favorite TV shows first season to last. I want to watch the sun rise. I want to have a bonfire on a beach. I want to live on a beach. I want to take a road trip across country. I want to get in my car one day and just drive and have no time limit on being back. I want to do a triathlon. I want to run the Boston Marathon. I want to go in a hot air balloon. I want to sky dive, well I think I do at least. I want to go parasailing. I want to go kayaking. I want to swim with the dolphins. I want to see whales in their natural habitat. I want to be happy.

The difference is that these things are easy to accomplish. All I have to do is believe that I can do them and make the step for it to be done. The problem is that I don't know what it is I want to do with my life. I know the things I want to do and the places I want to see, but I have no idea how I am going to support these things. I know that it is normal to not know but it's hard for me.

The things that you are scared of are usually the most worthwhile. And I am scared of a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do them, or do something about it. I am scared, but I have to believe that whatever path I choose will be the right one for me, and that maybe one day I will get a revelation that it is right for me. Who knows, maybe it will be after I have chosen a certain path, that it will finally seem right for me. I just need to take a leap of faith and believe that things will happen the way they are supposed to.

I have to learn to throw things away.

I finally started unpacking the past year of my life, but when it comes to cleaning and unpacking, I have one fault: I HATE throwing things away. What if I will need it someday, even if it is just a lanyard from a conference or a retreat. Every item holds some significance to me, and I hope that if I find it in 10, 20 years I will remember what it meant to me. But, that creates a lot of clutter. My room is filled with "junk" at every corner, my brothers old room is filled with some more "junk" and the attic is filled with even more "junk." There comes a time when I have to sort through of this "junk" and see what is worth saving, what I can turn into another scrapbook and what needs to be thrown away and just kept as a memory in my heart.

I can't get rid of those notebooks, because that was a really interesting class, or its for my major. Those are my scrapbook supplies, and even though there is one sticker left, I may want to use it someday. I have collected those beanie babies since I was 7, I can't pack them away, my dad made me a special shelf.

I feel like I collect things more than do anything with them. I have a ton of books, but have only read a handful of them. But, I keep meaning to get to them, there is just not enough time. I have a ton of knick knacks, probably at least one from every place I have ever been.

But it is interesting, going through your room and finding things that you may have hid or small things and try to remember why you kept it. There is a reason that you kept it, whether it is something silly or something really meaningful, there was a reason that you kept it in that box on the bottom drawer of your nightstand. There has to be a reason, like why did I keep a poster of a dog on a skateboard, I just found it in a box in my closet.

But, as I was going through my room, I realized that most of my drawers are empty, everything is just on top of each piece of furniture. My desk and dresser have not seen daylight in years but their drawers are empty. The clothes that once sat there, the high school books that once lay on top. There are now piles of books from college that I unpacked two years ago (wow, it feels like yesterday), that still sit on top, but nothing inside. Why is this such a strange occurrence, I mean it makes sense, I took my clothes with me to school and I have new books that only come home once a year.

My freshman year of college, I changed, more than I can even put into words, and when I returned home, I re-painted my room. It was a hot pink color, and I hate pink, I painted it when I was six, but I just never changed it. And I think with the changes I experienced at school, I knew it was time for another change, it is now blue, blue walls, blue carpet, blue comforter. And thought it never occurred to me before, it is a little lighter than "Assumption blue." Strange, and strange that I think of this now. It also occurs to me, where did everything go? I'm sure I emptied everything out to move the furniture around, but where did everything go that was inside. Is it in the piles of "junk" in my brothers room? Is it in the attic? Did my parents throw it away on me?

I think that its time for me to find that stuff, and take some time to remember why its still here, what it means to me, why I have kept it for so long. There is a reason for everything, and though this task may take a really long time (when I say I have a lot of stuff, I mean I have A LOT of stuff), it is a necessary task. I have lived in this house for 21 years and 3 months and I have accumulated a lot, and barely thrown anything away.

It is now a time to reminisce and finally throw some of my past away, because keeping it causes clutter, and when there is clutter I may have trouble finding my present and future amongst items of my past.

30 reasons to be happy

So, as I sat in the admissions office one day, someone was writing a list to their friend of 30 reasons they should be happy. So since the past few days as been tough for me and I am now leaving my home (aka Assumption College) to go back to my other "home" (New York, which is now just a place where my family is, and where I visit every once in a while), I decided that I need to list the 30 reasons why I should be happy.

30 Reasons I'm Happy

1. I have the best friends in the world and even though they have just graduated and moved on, there are few that I have not spoken to since we said goodbye.

2. I do well in school.

3. I am a leader, not a follower.

4. My bed is like a cloud.

5. The Yankees are beating the Red Sox, as it should be.

6. I'm a funny person.

7. Boston Donuts has the best flavored coffee in the world and Bodo's dates are the best.

8. I get to spend most of my summer living in Rome, and I have been saving for years to pay for it.

9. Music speaks the words that I cannot.

10. 'Friends' can always make me smile.

11. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi.

12. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

13. I have taken a leap of faith.

14. I struggle sometimes but I love being a part of the struggle bus show.

15. There are endless opportunities ahead.

16. I fall off air mattresses while I sleep. (Again, proving that I am a funny person).

17. My ipod, camera and now computer are all purple. And I love purple!

18. I love when I find a really good book that I can't put down until the end.

19. For the first time, last week I just kept driving to see where I would end up. I got caught up with my singing and my thoughts and wanted to see where the road would take me.

20. There are two places I have found where I feel completely at peace with the world.

21. I love learning about the ocean and all of the creatures that live there. It reminds me that there is a huge world out there of the unknown.

22. Cheese-less grilled cheese.

23. Couch time.

24. Eating M&M's that magically appear from my sweatshirt pocket.

25. I have some big goals I have set for myself, however I know that life doesn't always turn out the way you planned, but it's okay because everything happens for a reason.

26. Whoops!

27. Being a leader on SEARCH and START retreats. I learn so much about myself and my faith from the amazing people I meet.

28. The things I've learned in college and all that comes with it.

29. I get to be reunited with all my friends this weekend on the cape.

30. I am writing my own story.


So, this list was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be. Not that I don't think that I do not have at least 30 reasons to be happy, but just because it is hard to put feelings into words, especially when I feel like I am trying so hard to find the right words.

So I propose you to do the same. Whether things are going great or you are in a slump, sit down and remember what makes you happy.

goodbye class of 2010

dear the class of 2010,

I cannot even put into words what you all mean to me. You have been my support system and my inspirations since I got here three years ago. Today, you all walked across that stage and received that diploma that you have worked so hard for the past four years, and you all deserve it and I am so unbelievably proud of each of you. I can't believe my time at Assumption with you has ended but I know it is not the end. You are all going to do amazing in the world and the places you are going and the things you are doing reminds me that there is nothing to be afraid of. Take risks, take that leap of faith and go where your heart leads you.

the things i will remember the most:

- margarita dates at mezcal
- llc 302 for taking me in
- bodos runs before class
- procrastinating and watching all 3 seasons of Roswell
- couch time
- going to leits when i should be writing a paper
- bonding with the searchies in 6r
- squeaks
- cheese-less grilled cheese
- meeting in the llc at 5:27
- "i think im still drunk can you drive me to bodos"
- coming out of my room singing
- people judging me because i like to sit in the dark
- greetings from the struggle bus
- the girls of north 301
- being a "senior"
- "Don't judge me, I'm a senior, its what we do"
- this party makes me feel like i need more vodka
- the things I've learned in college
- st. luke's (don't think I will need any explanation for that right squeaks?!?!)
- lalalalalaaaa lalalalalalalalalaaaa <3>

- buddies

and so many more memories that I don't have time to list.

"The $95,000 debt was worth it because I made the best friends I could ask for."

You are all amazing and the best people I know, without you I probably would have transferred and been miserable but because of you I have become a slacker in school, and always wait until the last minute because you always make me feel welcome and want to hang out, and in the end, you don't remember the tests you took or the papers you wrote, you do remember the people that made this place your home and made everyday worth it.

I want to leave you with some words of wisdom: (yes, from the girl who stabbed herself with scissors and had to get five stitches)

Words of advice that my Life's Little Instructions poster tells me everyday:

sing in the shower. strive for excellence, not perfection. learn three clean jokes. leave everything a little better than you found it. think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. make new friends but cherish the old ones. never underestimate the power of love. live your live as an exclamation, not an explanation. count your blessings.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, And each road leads you where you want to go, And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you, And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window, If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile, But more than anything, My wish for you, Is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to, I hope you know somebody loves you, And wants the same things too, Yeah, this is my wish, I hope you never look back but you never forget, All the ones who love you and the place you left, I hope you always forgive and you never regret, And you help somebody every chance you get, Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake, And always give more than you take.



Like I said at the beginning, take risks, take a leap of faith, because you have all taught me that taking a leap of faith is one in itself, try something new, meet new people, but don't forget what you learned here and that people that made it great, because without you all, this would not have been the best three years of my life.

TO THE CLASS OF 2010, THANK YOU. GOOD LUCK AND I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.

REMEMBER IT'S NOT GOODBYE, IT'S SEE YOU LATER.

love always,
stitches