Senior Year: 9 months til graduation

This is it. I am officially part of the oldest students on campus. When I got back to campus a week ago, I could just feel that it was different, that everything had changed. Literally, lots had changed. Construction projects everywhere, new people, new campus. Though, it may seem silly that one summer could really have that much of an effect on a campus of 2,100 students, it did. I was here all last summer, and almost nothing changed. But I guess the world knew that I wasn't ready for this year already and all the changes that come with it, they decided that we should have a lot of changes because of how much I love change (sarcasm). I hate change. I don't like it when things are different and I don't think that I have ever really been able to FEEL the change before.

I am trying to be positive, its a new year and time for new experiences, but after a few days of everyone being back, I already know that I can't handle it. My support system is gone, and thats not something you can find a new one of overnight. Let me tell you: it is not easy to experience a time like this without that support. I no longer have that person I can talk to, just because, nothing has to be wrong but even when things are great and you want to share that joy with someone.

One night back and I was already feeling like this, rethinking everything I thought I had decided. That shouldn't happen. I need to figure out why this all happened so quickly, and why I am struggling so much to just give it a chance, it was just one night, you can't let one night decide your entire life (or at least the immediate future of said life).

That was my lowest moment so far, me not giving it a chance and a moment of weakness. But its really only been three days, I can't let a bad night affect the rest of the year. There are so many things to look forward to: Seniors First Night Out, START, Winter Ball, SEND, Spring Ball, 100 days, 50 days, last night out, senior week, and then the scary part: graduation.

I am already back to my to-do lists and schedules, and figuring out the best time of the day for me to take my nap. This year I have even more committments then I have had in the past, but I think that I can handle all of the responsibility that has been put on me, especially with Up 'til Dawn, I know what I need to do to plan a successful event and I have put my trust in my executives enough that I don't have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

So here is my goal for the year: Don't think about the past, or the future, just think about now, and take in every moment because college only comes around once and the experience is over before you know it.