842. ottocentoquarantadue. ochocientos y cuarenta y dos. huit cents et quarante-deux. hocht chéad daichead ceathar.

842. It's a random number right? Well, for some reason whenever someone asks how many, or how much or are asking for a quantity I respond with the number 842. I have no idea why I choose this number but I decided to research why it is significant, and where can we find the number 842 in our own culture.

There doesn't seem to be any significance to the number as a whole. So, I decided to break up it up.
First I broke it up into 8 and 42.

The number 8:

It is considered a lucky number in Chinese and other Asian cultures.

The number 42:

It would take 42 minutes to travel through the center of the Earth.

There are 42 generations in the Gospel of Matthew's version of genealogy of Jesus.
In The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.
Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland has 42 illustrations.
42 is the name of Buzz Lightyear's spaceship in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.
In Finding Nemo the address of the dentist's office is 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
42 was the jersey number of Jackie Robinson and is the only number that is retired by all Major League baseball teams.
The number was retired in 1997 and is the jersey number of Mariano Rivera currently.
There are 42 laws in the game of cricket.
In NASCAR, 42 was the number on Lee Petty's car.
Tower 42 is a skyscraper in London.
The number of spots on a pair of dice.
The musical 42nd Street.
Popular street in New York, 42nd Street has the Chrysler Building, Grand Central Station, New York Public Library, and Times Square.
The angle at which light reflects off water to create a rainbow is 42 degrees.
A barrel holds 42 gallons.

I then broke up the 4 and the 2.

The number 4:

Four noble truths. (Dukkha, Samudaya, Nirodha, Magga)

Four Great Elements. (Earth, wind, fire and wind)
Four Heavenly Kings.
Four Foundations of Mindfulness.
Four stages of Enlightenment.
Four main pilgrimage sites.
The Four Gospels.
The Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and Japanese are superstitious of the number four because it is a homonym for "death" in their languages.
There are four rocky planets in our solar system. (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars)
There are four gas planets. (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune)
Four is the number of nucleobase types in DNA and RNA.
The mammalian heart has four chambers.
The fourth finger on a human hand always moves when the little finger is moving.
All insects with wings, except flies, have four wings.
There are four human blood groups.
Humans have four canine, four incisor and four wisdom teeth.
There are four basic states of matter. (solid, liquid, gas, plasma)
There are four points on a cross.
The earth is divided into four proportions by latitude and longitude.
In regard to two propositions having a truth value, there are four possible outcomes. (Subaltems, subcontraries, contraries, contradictories)
Aristotle said there are four causes in nature: efficient cause, matter, end, form.
Most furniture has four legs.
The four color process is used for printing.
The Final Four is the last four teams in NCAA basketball championships.
Most swear words in the English language have four letters.
In the English language, four is the only number with the same number of letters as its value.
There are four movements in a symphony.
There are four strings on a violin, viola, cello, double bass, cuatro and a ukulele.
Four rules in math: addition, subtraction, division, multiplication.
Four seasons: winter, spring, summer, fall.
Four parts of a day: night, morning, afternoon, evening.
Four cardinal directions: north, south, east, west.
Four suits of playing cards: spades, hearts, clubs, diamonds.
Four nations in the United Kingdom: England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland.
Four corners, only locations in the US where four states come together at a single point: Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona.
The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch and the Thing.
The Beatles were known as the fab four.
There are four food groups: fruits and vegetables, meat, dairy, grain.
There were four rivers in the Garden of Eden.
There are four years in a single presidential term.
There are four years in a single olympiad (the duration between Olympic games).

The number 2:

An integer is even if it is divisible by 2.
God ordered that Noah put 2 of everything on his ark.
Two is considered a good number in Chinese culture. (Chinese saying, "good things come in pairs")
Two is the lowest channel in television in US, Canada, Argentina, and Mexico.

I still am not sure why I say this number, but it is interesting to see what a number means to a certain culture or religion. This was a fun activity, so I recommend you to do the same. Whether it is a lucky number or any number at all, look up what it means, you will be surprised to see what you find!

The things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile.

I'm scared. Let's be honest, who isn't. I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of not knowing what's next, I want to just know what is right and what it is I am supposed to do, but I haven't had that revelation yet, and I am beginning to think that I won't. I study economics but I never thought of myself as an economist before, until I realized that when it comes to me making a decision about anything, I measure the costs and benefits of each decision that I could possibly make. There are costs and benefits to every choice that we make in life, but sometimes you need to throw away that list and follow your heart. But what happens when your heart is telling you to do one thing and your brain is telling you to do something else.

So, what is it that I am so afraid of? Well, first off, I still don't think that I am making the right decision by graduating early. For next year, I finally achieved official student leader status, and if I leave early that will be taken away from me. But the other problem is that nothing can be certain about this change until I go to Italy, and my credits transfer, which may not be until October. And until I drop that sign language class that I have been wanting to take since freshman year, and I would add it as a CE class, but of course they have not put up their fall schedule yet, and I have to add a theology class, and it's not even the one I want to take. The one that I want to take will be offered in the spring. And, to add to it, the internship that I was hoping to get in the spring, whether I graduated early or not, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's only open to students and if I graduate, I will not be a student. There are too many unknowns right now and that is making everything that much harder.

I got to experience senior week this year with my best friends, and I want to experience that for myself, and not in the way that I have been in the real world for four months and I am going to pretend it didn't happen, in the way that this is it, this is my last chance to be really irresponsible, stay up till dawn and have fun. That scares me also, because truth be told, do I really have people that I really want to experience that with, no. Trust me, I know that that could all change in a year, because that happened this year too, many of the people that I am going to miss the most next year, only came into my life this year. The biggest thing that is holding me back from saying that I will definitely stay is that I will stay is money, and though I hate for that to be the reason, but the thought of saving that much money makes my parents so happy, and they would be so proud to say that their daughter graduated college in three and a half years because I can see it when we discuss it.

I am afraid of graduating early. I am afraid of not graduating early. I wish there was a middle ground, a way to do both, and I know that sounds crazy, but if life was perfect, it could happen.


I am afraid of what's next, and now I know that it is a year away, I am a planner, I cannot go into something without knowing the schedule. I love schedules and lists. I have already started my "life binder," a binder filled with my options for whats next: grad school, but what would I study; year of service, what do I want to do and my parents would definitely not be okay with that; go abroad and work there; move to Boston; move home; move across the country to a brand new place? Why is there not a guidebook for what to do once you have received that degree, once you are done with school. I have been going to school for 15 years, I always knew that I would get my summer off, then head back to school in the fall. In elementary school, it would be back to school shopping: new clothes, new binders, new pencils. In college, that meant no more sitting around, I now get to go back to my friends and my life. But, I also haven't really had a break from school since high school, I have taken summer classes every summer, because I figured why not get ahead, summer classes are so much easier and you are only taking one. Yes, I am going to Italy this summer, but between my sightseeing and traveling there will be some classes and maybe some work.

I am waiting for that revelation, for me to get to a point in my research and I will just know that that is where I am supposed to be. It hasn't come yet, and I know that it is early, but I just want a sign, even if it is a small one telling me that I will know what it is that I am supposed to do in this world. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life, but part of me just doesn't care, it doesn't matter if I change jobs every couple of months and can't make a decision about what makes me happy, I learned that the only thing that matters is the people you have in your life. But is that really great if I am living in a box, making minimum wage at 30 years old, no. I need an income, because everything in this world costs money, as much as I wish it didn't, it does, and that changes things. Not only do I need to choose a career that I am happy doing, that is a criteria I have set for myself, but I need one that pays me well. Isn't that kind of stupid, choosing a career based on the pay rate?

There are some things I do know about my future: I want to travel the world, see everything I can, see things that no one else has seen, and take in what is around me. I want to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef. I want to learn to surf in the waves of Hawaii. I want to learn more languages and with that learn about cultures. I want to live in New York City while I'm young. I want to learn to ski or snowboard, whichever hurts less when you fall, because I will fall. I want to live, if just for a short while, with no commitments in tranquility. I want to watch all of my favorite TV shows first season to last. I want to watch the sun rise. I want to have a bonfire on a beach. I want to live on a beach. I want to take a road trip across country. I want to get in my car one day and just drive and have no time limit on being back. I want to do a triathlon. I want to run the Boston Marathon. I want to go in a hot air balloon. I want to sky dive, well I think I do at least. I want to go parasailing. I want to go kayaking. I want to swim with the dolphins. I want to see whales in their natural habitat. I want to be happy.

The difference is that these things are easy to accomplish. All I have to do is believe that I can do them and make the step for it to be done. The problem is that I don't know what it is I want to do with my life. I know the things I want to do and the places I want to see, but I have no idea how I am going to support these things. I know that it is normal to not know but it's hard for me.

The things that you are scared of are usually the most worthwhile. And I am scared of a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do them, or do something about it. I am scared, but I have to believe that whatever path I choose will be the right one for me, and that maybe one day I will get a revelation that it is right for me. Who knows, maybe it will be after I have chosen a certain path, that it will finally seem right for me. I just need to take a leap of faith and believe that things will happen the way they are supposed to.

I have to learn to throw things away.

I finally started unpacking the past year of my life, but when it comes to cleaning and unpacking, I have one fault: I HATE throwing things away. What if I will need it someday, even if it is just a lanyard from a conference or a retreat. Every item holds some significance to me, and I hope that if I find it in 10, 20 years I will remember what it meant to me. But, that creates a lot of clutter. My room is filled with "junk" at every corner, my brothers old room is filled with some more "junk" and the attic is filled with even more "junk." There comes a time when I have to sort through of this "junk" and see what is worth saving, what I can turn into another scrapbook and what needs to be thrown away and just kept as a memory in my heart.

I can't get rid of those notebooks, because that was a really interesting class, or its for my major. Those are my scrapbook supplies, and even though there is one sticker left, I may want to use it someday. I have collected those beanie babies since I was 7, I can't pack them away, my dad made me a special shelf.

I feel like I collect things more than do anything with them. I have a ton of books, but have only read a handful of them. But, I keep meaning to get to them, there is just not enough time. I have a ton of knick knacks, probably at least one from every place I have ever been.

But it is interesting, going through your room and finding things that you may have hid or small things and try to remember why you kept it. There is a reason that you kept it, whether it is something silly or something really meaningful, there was a reason that you kept it in that box on the bottom drawer of your nightstand. There has to be a reason, like why did I keep a poster of a dog on a skateboard, I just found it in a box in my closet.

But, as I was going through my room, I realized that most of my drawers are empty, everything is just on top of each piece of furniture. My desk and dresser have not seen daylight in years but their drawers are empty. The clothes that once sat there, the high school books that once lay on top. There are now piles of books from college that I unpacked two years ago (wow, it feels like yesterday), that still sit on top, but nothing inside. Why is this such a strange occurrence, I mean it makes sense, I took my clothes with me to school and I have new books that only come home once a year.

My freshman year of college, I changed, more than I can even put into words, and when I returned home, I re-painted my room. It was a hot pink color, and I hate pink, I painted it when I was six, but I just never changed it. And I think with the changes I experienced at school, I knew it was time for another change, it is now blue, blue walls, blue carpet, blue comforter. And thought it never occurred to me before, it is a little lighter than "Assumption blue." Strange, and strange that I think of this now. It also occurs to me, where did everything go? I'm sure I emptied everything out to move the furniture around, but where did everything go that was inside. Is it in the piles of "junk" in my brothers room? Is it in the attic? Did my parents throw it away on me?

I think that its time for me to find that stuff, and take some time to remember why its still here, what it means to me, why I have kept it for so long. There is a reason for everything, and though this task may take a really long time (when I say I have a lot of stuff, I mean I have A LOT of stuff), it is a necessary task. I have lived in this house for 21 years and 3 months and I have accumulated a lot, and barely thrown anything away.

It is now a time to reminisce and finally throw some of my past away, because keeping it causes clutter, and when there is clutter I may have trouble finding my present and future amongst items of my past.

30 reasons to be happy

So, as I sat in the admissions office one day, someone was writing a list to their friend of 30 reasons they should be happy. So since the past few days as been tough for me and I am now leaving my home (aka Assumption College) to go back to my other "home" (New York, which is now just a place where my family is, and where I visit every once in a while), I decided that I need to list the 30 reasons why I should be happy.

30 Reasons I'm Happy

1. I have the best friends in the world and even though they have just graduated and moved on, there are few that I have not spoken to since we said goodbye.

2. I do well in school.

3. I am a leader, not a follower.

4. My bed is like a cloud.

5. The Yankees are beating the Red Sox, as it should be.

6. I'm a funny person.

7. Boston Donuts has the best flavored coffee in the world and Bodo's dates are the best.

8. I get to spend most of my summer living in Rome, and I have been saving for years to pay for it.

9. Music speaks the words that I cannot.

10. 'Friends' can always make me smile.

11. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi.

12. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

13. I have taken a leap of faith.

14. I struggle sometimes but I love being a part of the struggle bus show.

15. There are endless opportunities ahead.

16. I fall off air mattresses while I sleep. (Again, proving that I am a funny person).

17. My ipod, camera and now computer are all purple. And I love purple!

18. I love when I find a really good book that I can't put down until the end.

19. For the first time, last week I just kept driving to see where I would end up. I got caught up with my singing and my thoughts and wanted to see where the road would take me.

20. There are two places I have found where I feel completely at peace with the world.

21. I love learning about the ocean and all of the creatures that live there. It reminds me that there is a huge world out there of the unknown.

22. Cheese-less grilled cheese.

23. Couch time.

24. Eating M&M's that magically appear from my sweatshirt pocket.

25. I have some big goals I have set for myself, however I know that life doesn't always turn out the way you planned, but it's okay because everything happens for a reason.

26. Whoops!

27. Being a leader on SEARCH and START retreats. I learn so much about myself and my faith from the amazing people I meet.

28. The things I've learned in college and all that comes with it.

29. I get to be reunited with all my friends this weekend on the cape.

30. I am writing my own story.


So, this list was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be. Not that I don't think that I do not have at least 30 reasons to be happy, but just because it is hard to put feelings into words, especially when I feel like I am trying so hard to find the right words.

So I propose you to do the same. Whether things are going great or you are in a slump, sit down and remember what makes you happy.

goodbye class of 2010

dear the class of 2010,

I cannot even put into words what you all mean to me. You have been my support system and my inspirations since I got here three years ago. Today, you all walked across that stage and received that diploma that you have worked so hard for the past four years, and you all deserve it and I am so unbelievably proud of each of you. I can't believe my time at Assumption with you has ended but I know it is not the end. You are all going to do amazing in the world and the places you are going and the things you are doing reminds me that there is nothing to be afraid of. Take risks, take that leap of faith and go where your heart leads you.

the things i will remember the most:

- margarita dates at mezcal
- llc 302 for taking me in
- bodos runs before class
- procrastinating and watching all 3 seasons of Roswell
- couch time
- going to leits when i should be writing a paper
- bonding with the searchies in 6r
- squeaks
- cheese-less grilled cheese
- meeting in the llc at 5:27
- "i think im still drunk can you drive me to bodos"
- coming out of my room singing
- people judging me because i like to sit in the dark
- greetings from the struggle bus
- the girls of north 301
- being a "senior"
- "Don't judge me, I'm a senior, its what we do"
- this party makes me feel like i need more vodka
- the things I've learned in college
- st. luke's (don't think I will need any explanation for that right squeaks?!?!)
- lalalalalaaaa lalalalalalalalalaaaa <3>

- buddies

and so many more memories that I don't have time to list.

"The $95,000 debt was worth it because I made the best friends I could ask for."

You are all amazing and the best people I know, without you I probably would have transferred and been miserable but because of you I have become a slacker in school, and always wait until the last minute because you always make me feel welcome and want to hang out, and in the end, you don't remember the tests you took or the papers you wrote, you do remember the people that made this place your home and made everyday worth it.

I want to leave you with some words of wisdom: (yes, from the girl who stabbed herself with scissors and had to get five stitches)

Words of advice that my Life's Little Instructions poster tells me everyday:

sing in the shower. strive for excellence, not perfection. learn three clean jokes. leave everything a little better than you found it. think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. make new friends but cherish the old ones. never underestimate the power of love. live your live as an exclamation, not an explanation. count your blessings.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, And each road leads you where you want to go, And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you, And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window, If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile, But more than anything, My wish for you, Is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to, I hope you know somebody loves you, And wants the same things too, Yeah, this is my wish, I hope you never look back but you never forget, All the ones who love you and the place you left, I hope you always forgive and you never regret, And you help somebody every chance you get, Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake, And always give more than you take.



Like I said at the beginning, take risks, take a leap of faith, because you have all taught me that taking a leap of faith is one in itself, try something new, meet new people, but don't forget what you learned here and that people that made it great, because without you all, this would not have been the best three years of my life.

TO THE CLASS OF 2010, THANK YOU. GOOD LUCK AND I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.

REMEMBER IT'S NOT GOODBYE, IT'S SEE YOU LATER.

love always,
stitches

Junior Year of College = Check

Today, I finished my last final of junior year. The next time I return to Assumption I will officially be a senior. Where did the last three years go?!?! I can remember going on my tour September of senior year, and getting my acceptance letter in the mail right before Christmas, but it feels like it was yesterday. I am packing up my room that I moved into the beginning of August, and it has been my home for almost 10 months now. That is a scary thought, when I think of home I don't think of going back to New York, I think of my room here. Going back to my home where I grew up is just a vacation, time for me to catch up on sleep and take a peak at my massive movie collection.

But how come the place that I consider home makes me feel like its not real. Lately, I have been feeling like this all isn't really happening, that I am floating on a cloud and just watching the days go by, with no control of the outcome. Looking back on it, I have experienced a lot this year, lots of ups and downs, more fights than I can remember, losing old friends, making new ones, making huge life decisions, rethinking who I am supposed to be.

I also don't feel like I am actually done with the semester, I feel like I still have to go to class and do work, and should feel guilty about taking naps and watching a movie instead of doing my work. But it is, the year is over, almost everyone is gone for the summer, and will be returning in three months, along with 600 new people. And then that's it, almost done with college, almost 22 years old, really have to start figuring what I am supposed to be doing with my life. It is just unreal, I remember thinking, wow 2011 is really far away, I have plenty of time to figure things out.

Back to this cloud that I have been living in, it started this year, maybe even this semester. Freshman year was great, it was a year of new experiences and new people, and yeah things sucked sometimes, but the bottom line was, I loved being here, and I loved trying new things and figuring out who I was without someone telling me what I had to do. Sophomore year was my rough patch, things were really bad fall semester, and I fell into a hole. But the second semester, I had a group of people who saved me, and things got really good, I always had people around and kept myself busy and was doing well in my classes. Junior year was (ahh past tense) interesting. Fall semester, I was really busy and had great roommates and someone was always around, someone to vent to when I got back from the room, someone to talk to, and I was someone for them to listen. But two of my roommates graduated in December, and they were the ones who were always here, and always gave me someone to talk to. But this semester, I started to not be as busy, and was stressing about making my life decisions, and feeling rejection from various things. I have been happy, but my world just doesn't feel real anymore.

I am so scared of next year: my closest friends are leaving, some will be on various ends of the country, it is my senior year (and basically last semester) of college, I have to figure out whats next and realize that life doesn't always turn out as planned.

Things are going to change, and there is no controlling that.

Shannon

Quarantasette Giorni!

Solo quarantasette giorni fino parte per 'italia! Ho un papel e un examen fino fatto con l'anno minore. Ho un semestre lasciato di università.
(Only 47 days until I leave for Italy. I have one paper and one exam until i finish my junior year. I have one semester left of college.)

I mean I think I am getting better at Italian, hopefully living in Italy for 6 weeks will help! I decided one week ago to graduate a semester early, and I have already gone back and forth about it a hundred times. I guess I won't really be okay with it until I have actually finished, and I have no more papers to write and no more exams to study for and I can just relax. After I finally said it out loud to the world that I made my decision and thats final, all my friends knew that was what I was going to decide, and I was soo happy that day, in a great mood, even with finals lurking around the corner. That's how I know its right.

I am making a promise to myself, for the next 10 days, once I have handed in my paper and done my final, I am going to spend as much time with the class of 2010 as I can. Like I have said they are the best people I know, and though I know I will see them again soon, because we have already made plans to see each other, I know that our time together at Assumption is almost up. I am going to help them finish their assco bucket lists and enjoy this experience with them.

I get the feeling that when it is my time to go, I will have closure with this place, I will have said my goodbyes with the people that I love the most. I will see where they have gone in life and been inspired by the amazing things that they are doing and I will be okay.

Now, I should really stop procrastinating and write my paper, due tomorrow, no big deal, and say goodbye for now!

<3