Junior Year of College = Check

Today, I finished my last final of junior year. The next time I return to Assumption I will officially be a senior. Where did the last three years go?!?! I can remember going on my tour September of senior year, and getting my acceptance letter in the mail right before Christmas, but it feels like it was yesterday. I am packing up my room that I moved into the beginning of August, and it has been my home for almost 10 months now. That is a scary thought, when I think of home I don't think of going back to New York, I think of my room here. Going back to my home where I grew up is just a vacation, time for me to catch up on sleep and take a peak at my massive movie collection.

But how come the place that I consider home makes me feel like its not real. Lately, I have been feeling like this all isn't really happening, that I am floating on a cloud and just watching the days go by, with no control of the outcome. Looking back on it, I have experienced a lot this year, lots of ups and downs, more fights than I can remember, losing old friends, making new ones, making huge life decisions, rethinking who I am supposed to be.

I also don't feel like I am actually done with the semester, I feel like I still have to go to class and do work, and should feel guilty about taking naps and watching a movie instead of doing my work. But it is, the year is over, almost everyone is gone for the summer, and will be returning in three months, along with 600 new people. And then that's it, almost done with college, almost 22 years old, really have to start figuring what I am supposed to be doing with my life. It is just unreal, I remember thinking, wow 2011 is really far away, I have plenty of time to figure things out.

Back to this cloud that I have been living in, it started this year, maybe even this semester. Freshman year was great, it was a year of new experiences and new people, and yeah things sucked sometimes, but the bottom line was, I loved being here, and I loved trying new things and figuring out who I was without someone telling me what I had to do. Sophomore year was my rough patch, things were really bad fall semester, and I fell into a hole. But the second semester, I had a group of people who saved me, and things got really good, I always had people around and kept myself busy and was doing well in my classes. Junior year was (ahh past tense) interesting. Fall semester, I was really busy and had great roommates and someone was always around, someone to vent to when I got back from the room, someone to talk to, and I was someone for them to listen. But two of my roommates graduated in December, and they were the ones who were always here, and always gave me someone to talk to. But this semester, I started to not be as busy, and was stressing about making my life decisions, and feeling rejection from various things. I have been happy, but my world just doesn't feel real anymore.

I am so scared of next year: my closest friends are leaving, some will be on various ends of the country, it is my senior year (and basically last semester) of college, I have to figure out whats next and realize that life doesn't always turn out as planned.

Things are going to change, and there is no controlling that.

Shannon